When a person returns from a war zone, no matter why they were there, life changes for them in many ways. They view every aspect of their life differently. They begin questioning their careers and the direction in which it’s going. Questions concerning their love life come full circle. They wonder if the person they are involved with is the right person for them. Many admit to their feelings changing while they were away, or to some they got stronger. In recent posts I have mentioned that my life changed just like many others. My outlook on life and opinion on many issues are quite different now. While my professional life is prospering, my personal life has changed dramatically.
Many Soldiers I have spoken with over the last few years have discussed the many signs put before them, signs they overlooked in the past. While life is falling back into place for so many, these signs are put before them in a very special way to help ease the burden of transition. These very special signs have always been there in order to help define who we are as a person, so we can find the answers to life’s many questions. While other times we are given a very special gift from a messenger from our past. One of those gifts I recently received and wanted to share it with those who read my blog.
Recently an old friend called and wanted me to join him for dinner, to share the tales of my exciting journey and to catch up on life in general. I accepted this invitation gladly because it had been a number of years since we had seen each other, and because he had been in Iraq in recent years too.
Over dinner we compared notes of our experiences, politics and what was happening in the inner circles here in Washington, DC as we always do. The subject then turned to our personal lives. Then it began. He sat across from me, sipping his Merlot, explaining how he had been going through a revelation of sorts and began to pour out his heart. After returning home from Iraq he went through a divorce, and began cleaning out the closets of his life. During this cleansing process he realized many things about himself and that he had fallen in love with someone from his past, but didn’t know what to do about it.
Part of his healing process meant cleaning out the closets of his life, even the real ones in his home. A powerful revelation came to him when he found a box buried deep in the back of his closet, containing special keepsakes he treasured. A few hours went by before he looked inside and found letters from someone he once knew. He reread them over and over again, only to realize in a very powerful way what was missing in his life... he failed to communicate what was in his heart.
Through each letter he read from a woman from his past, he learned that sharing what is in ones heart can be very special to another person, especially the one you care about. When they dated, she had written to him, while she was on travel. At the time he wasn’t interested in what was happening in her life, only his own. He admitted the clear messages in those letters allowed him to turn on the light bulb in his head. He realized what an ass he had been all those years ago. The one thing she craved in the relationship, he never gave to her. He thought he was doing everything right. Doing what every perfect gentleman should do, bought her things and took her places. When all the while he was missing the boat on what she really wanted from him.
When he was finished he realized he had fallen in love with the woman who opened her heart and shared what was happening in her life. She took the time to share herself with him and for that he was grateful. But that wasn’t all that he realized from her letters. He remembered that during that time, she traveled a lot and their quality time together was limited. He was in a needy stage, and selfish about everything and anything in his life. He needed to be with the person in his life all the time, for both political and social reasons, but she was not available to be there for him in body, only in spirit. He resented her for this and ultimately began seeing someone else. Yet after reading her letters, she knew this and in her way she was with him all the time, through her letters. By sharing her life and her heart with him, she showed how much she cared. She shared her heart with him in a very special way, through her written words. He could see her sitting in that airport, or hotel, describing her adventures and experiences, even how she was feeling at the time.
Although at the time of their relationship, he was frustrated with his career and all he wanted to do was to scream and yell. Instead of yelling back at him, she didn’t solve problems that way, she wrote him letters. At that time he didn’t see it, but now he does. The woman he chose as a life partner was not his partner in any sense of the word. He was not capable of sharing his life with her, personal or professional, and unfortunately the marriage fell apart.
Upon returning home that evening I checked my messages. To my surprise there were a few messages from him. The first thanked me for listening and said he was going to call her shortly. I smiled. However, the second message from him knocked me off my feet completely. He called her alright. The message he left was: “the lady in question you know intimately. It is you.” I could not believe my ears. The third message was that special gift I mentioned. “I know you have moved on with your life and I am very happy for your successes. I wanted you to know that the light bulb finally went off. Now I know what I lost and what you were trying to tell me years ago. Thank you! Your friendship is valued so much more now and I truly want it to be a part of my life, now and forever”. I sat on my sofa staring at the phone, not believing my ears. I was stunned.
I couldn’t help but smile at his messages. Life is all about timing after all. People come into your life for a reason. You never know what rewards you are to reap from knowing them. We never know what part they will play, even though silently we fall in love with them, but never say the words. I was happy that something I wrote so many years ago helped him heal in his final stages of his personal transformation. As he said in a subsequent conversation, it helped him become a man who can truly open his heart and share what is inside. To any other female, they would have picked up the phone and rekindled a lost romance with a man who just admitted to being in love with them. Why not, he is gorgeous, wealthy and extremely accomplished and who could give a lady all the materialistic things she could ever want. Call me crazy, but that is not me. He was right, I had moved on.
I have come to realize that God has a great sense of humor when he gives us his signs. We are simply oblivious to them until the light bulb does go off. If we are willing to see them, life can be so much simpler. Whether it’s political, social or economic issues, he is very stern in planting signs before us, that we all seem to overlook. Yet, when it comes to the matters of the heart those signs are usually not so obvious. Why aren’t they obvious? Maybe we’re self absorbed in our outlook on life because of professional stress.
To those who read this blog, the lesson in what I write it simple: Feelings within ones heart are very special and they should be shared with those you feel are special in your life. Never underestimate the written word in communicating with them. Timing is so important in life and although your feelings might not register today, one day the light bulb will go off when you least expect it. When it does, accept that gift as something special from the messenger who delivers it to you. Once you realize this, you must live life to the fullest, love those in your life with passion in your heart. Use your imagination and creativity to spark that same passion which ignited the day you met that special someone. For if you open your eyes, be honest with yourself, and that special someone in your life, and put the same effort into your relationship as you do in your professional life, you could be the luckiest person in the world. Remember, relationships are not rocket science, so enjoy it while you have it, for tomorrow it can be taken away from you forever and you might miss out on someone very special to share your life and dreams with.
And always remember this, my favorite poem:
“Empty pockets never held a man back, only an empty heart and mind can do that”
(by Norman Vincent Peale).
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